April 24

Motivate, motivation, motivated. This month I would like to reflect on my days with the thoughts of the emotive sayings and thoughts I claim are my inspiration, and work those ideas into little stories, with their beginnings, mixes and endings. Oh how inspiring!

Maybe all those fine words and inspiration to me composed by the aging and the old should be ignored for a moment, pushed aside by reality. Truth is life may have these consistent core ideals that make us human butone of the things we crave is change, so I say give that classic an update, and if you are not able to update that old bitch, rewrite the whole thing as a post-modernist construct.

Images from the news collaged together or, ... A thought about letting go of uncertainty, a thought about doing, a thought about all my uncertainty. It would be nice to enjoy the happiness I could have today by just concentrating on the good: health, well enough off, shelter and time to meander into fun projects, and distractions. Let go of uncertainty and embrace opportunity, embrace paradox, if necessary.

I heard that success is the sum of small efforts, but I didn't hear how many small efforts may be needed in the sum for the sum to reach that total called success. In the day that was today there was very little contribution to any success sum, perhaps the best that can be said for today is that I was paid. I fulfilled the menial tasks that took my hours from 9 till 6. Maybe tomorrow will be more of a sum kind of day.

Winning does not always mean being first, as a youth I had dreamed of being first. I am not sure I have managed that yet. I cannot think of a significant moment where I said yes, I am the winner. I have always been in the race, and so often I have been in the leading pack but not the winner. I hope it is that I have dismissed my victories as just another step to the next success so have forgotten the details of the victory.

It is good to take the time to have a little fun, sometimes that fun is in the work we do, and why not, colleagues are perhaps the people we spend the most time with so laugh a little. Or fun could be action, or entertainment, or just a bit of some with someone nice. But fun can be at a premium, gosh it can be expensive.

A male nude partially frames, or ... Well, the system makes be broke, the taxes are a joke, the way things work out are good enough but they could be better. So much could be better. Fewer people falling between the cracks. Folk being happier. Happier. Isn't society at a the point when we can start working on making life good. Or are we starting to spiral with overpopulation and climate change leading to the bad shit.

There is no joy in possession except through sharing. Of course it is not as definitive as that, the joy of possession certainly exists but it is fleeting of nature. Sharing the possession from the off is better than only sharing at a later point, because it is the sharing of the joy of acquisition. We love acquiring and accumulation, some folk forget that it is a limited treat.

Then he said you can't give up on yourself there is always a way our and I said well, I never said anything about giving up on myself, what I said was how surprised I was when I found I had fallen into a pit, and how surprised I was each time to realise it was the same pit, always the same pit. Not a well of pure water to give me life but a dark abandoned pit.

Collaging together images from the news, or...I read that nothing beats hard work, but today the hard work beat me. It was mundane, it was monotonous, it was just how things go, how we are, how we have to get stuff done. But the stuff didn't get done so there was no satisfaction of saying I did that. Tomorrow I will do continue, hopefully to place a little order in this havoc.

It has long been that I have stopped trying to calm the storm, the storm blows with fury about me and while I try to calm myself waiting for it to blow itself out I find this process is not productive. And then I think back and wonder why the storm didn't blow in my favour. And then I chastise myself for staring down into the well of self pity. Self pity is never the route to productivity. But soon this storm will blow away.

While I drove you to the airport I thought about goodbyes. The oldest memory of seeing my brother off, in which I remembered the detail of the playground not the goodbye. An earlier drive in which a car had tapped me, at a similar time of the morning. Of the partying and the goodbyes I had made when leaving the other country for this one when I was young. Of the loved ones I left behind. But none of these were farewell words, so until next time: happy adventures and explores.

Breath is the power behind all things, I heard it on the radio. A programme about things, important things. It has been a while since I heard the programme, particularly liking the line that yoga has understood breath for millennia, but have not managed to bring breath into my life. I was to breathe in and know everything is possible.

A nude male figure with a chair and other words, or... Well, sleep, really. After all sleep is the golden chain that holds together our health and our mind. But a golden chain is not very strong, beautiful if you like shiny things that do not tarnish, but not much use if the chain between health and body is being pulled apart by distractions and interferences like late night television which does nothing more than porn which is not any link between health and body.

I heard for a long life you have to give up the things that make you want a long life, but I think you have to give up the crutches that weigh you down. I think you have to give up the goal of having a long life and rather appreciate the long life you or your loved ones have. But don't be a fool, don't ignore that weight loss, it might be the sign of something bad, very bad, or it might not but talk to an expert today.

A clean house is the sign of an ordered mind, so I decided to clean the house. But. Well the truth of the but was that I started cleaning a d an hour later I was still cleaning and two hours later I was still cleaning, and I was getting tired of cleaning, and tidying and organising and reorganising. But another hour later and I was still at it, I would still be at it now but spring is nearly over.

So, if life revolves around the way we are paid, that is the point of contention. That is the point of change. Simple enough when deciding which of the job ads to respond to, not so simple when figuring out change in the places we are not paid, following that dream, developing that understanding. Or even doing the dishes in the household, another example of where the willing pay and the callous are paid.

Collaging together images from the news, or... Waves, happiness comes in waves. It is not the only thing that comes in waves but this is the positive I can take from today: the little peaks I felt in the really calm waters of the day. And this evening has been a little rougher but I shall keep it to myself.

So, I wonder if the old dog doesn't learn the new trick because the old dog cannot be bothered with learning new tricks because the old tricks have got the old dog to their old days and why bother if your days few and so could probably do.with the old tricks. But there are so many interesting things about the new, now. The new is thrillingly different to the old so it is worth learning new tricks just for the momentary diversion.

A male nude figure with other words, or... on their jollies they would have had the time to view an exhibition or engage with some art, and art has power, it has the power to transform, illuminate, inspire, and it has the power to illicit a viceral reaction. Perhaps, a viceral reaction to the reaction of others to art, an annoyance or outrage that they viewed the art as an object of curiosity, not understanding its true power.

No story lives unless someone wants to listen. The first time I told the story it was to a person working alongside me, a captive audience used to my meandering tales, but, to be fair, it had been an interesting event worth the telling. The second time it was to a family member who was only interested out of duty, supportive but, although slightly honed, not critical of my storytelling skills. And I was ready to tell the tale on the third telling, I had sorted the order and the development. But you weren't there to listen.

Good days and bad days, and throughout what I was learning was the anecdotes I might tell in a discussion about the finer points of the league we were watching. A highlights package, not a summary show in which the general impression of the game in an unbiased fashion was discussed, no, rather it was a highlights package showing the exciting bits while the commentators and punters expressed interjected directly into my future conversations. Oh what a lot of commitment it is to appear interested.

Images from the news collaged together, or... Later, sometimes art reflects life. Reflects the difficult moments when the problems are building up and the successes seem to be so far away. Too far away to reach. But the other thing was information, not information about life strange life's far away, just how different life can be when here, in a life that is really like us.

In the drama when the protagonist was being caught again in the cycle of anger and emotional abuse it was represented by her slipping into the sofa, falling down into a deep hole, perhaps it was a deep well with earth and boulders on the side, or perhaps they were layer upon layer of brown cushions from the brown sofa. This was counterpointed by her planting two flowers with her daughter. But as we watched I felt uncomfortable, I felt anxious about who might walk into the room and if it would mean I needed to depart.

Initially I had nothing to say, I thought about what had happened and there was nothing I could remember, but the thing was I knew that earlier I had thought of things to say but had no one to say anything to. But I had a beer and the talking flowed. Later when I watched the show they had a meeting in which they all were asked to write about the happiest moment of their life. For me it would have been ten minutes of trying to remember any happy moments, and picking one.would be tremendously hard to do.

The training uses equity, but in this situation I am happy with equality: if I follow the men's game then I should follow the women's game. And I should spend an equal amount of time and resources on following each game. The pedant might say the men's game is more commercialised and thus more costly to follow but I say this is an aspiration rather than a balance sheet. And the women had my attention this weekend, their fine skills, strategies and physiques performing on the big stage, performing well, fast furious and with a number of mistakes but that makes it all the more interesting.

A male nude figure, or... A little drive in the country with a nice walk on the tops of some hills overlooking a noteworthy landscape is certainly something of a privilege, and to top of such an adventure with a Sunday roast at a country pub where one is certainly surrounded by the privileged, with their strange manerismd and perfect smiles, but, it has to be said, a country pub is not a great place for vegetarians.

I read a poem today about spring, about spring coming again a year after the last: a time of sorrow and loss, about spring advancing whether the poet allowed it or no. I don't know what had happened in the poet's life, but shortly after reading the poem I heard of a death in the family and then a second. And it is good to embrace the shared experience through the words of a poet.

You are never too old
Maybe all those fine words and inspiration to me composed by the aging and the old should...

Despite the Uncertainties
Images from the news collaged together or, ... A thought about letting go of...

The sum
I heard that success is the sum of small efforts, but I didn't hear how many small...

Being first
Winning does not always mean being first, as a youth I had dreamed of being first. ...

Fun is good
It is good to take the time to have a little fun, sometimes that fun is in the work we...

A Deeply Broken System
A male nude partially frames, or ... Well, the system makes be broke, the taxes are a...

Shared earlier
There is no joy in possession except through sharing. Of course it is not as...

From the pit
Then he said you can't give up on yourself there is always a way our and I said well,...

Wreaking Havoc
Collaging together images from the news, or...I read that nothing beats hard work, but...

Calm the storm
It has long been that I have stopped trying to calm the storm, the storm blows with fury...

No farewell words
While I drove you to the airport I thought about goodbyes. The oldest memory of...

Breathe
Breath is the power behind all things, I heard it on the radio. A programme about...