In my head

This time I have to be present and perform, this time, and then after I will think it was all on me, it was all my decision.  Not a compromise, not something that flowed from a conversation we may have had about what might be best.  I think it is best, and maybe you don't say anything because you are not sure you will be able to change things.  And worried that trying to change things will make it worse.  But I don't know.  I don't know if this conversation is in my head or real.

The nicer coffee, perhaps 2 pounds more than the basic.  A nice cheese every few weeks.  A bottle of wine, not particularly good, less than a tenner a week.  Some ink and some paper, but I sell enough art to cover the costs and a little more.  And that is about where the list ends.  I am generous when paying for dinner at the restaurant, or buying my round but I seldom go out.  And I pay for my share of the badminton.  Sometimes a book, but not often as I have so many on my reading pile.  I wonder if this is a sad thing or a frugal utopia.

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