Existential despondency
Existence is said to inspire an angst, a dread, a deep anxiety usually an unfocused one. But surely the feeling existence inspires is despondency or ever depression, the pointlessness of the individual other than that of a data point, one more or less makes no difference to the whole.
There were moments in the pleasure when I felt a sadness, a loss, a general premonition that this will all be coming to an end. In a sense it is a question of giving up, slightly, a little, thinking I am unlikely to carry on trying to make things better so, thus, things will get worse.
