Feel the sadness

All through the day coming and going were waves of sadness.  Each time I did something that was me and alone and no one called out to me: don't do that join me for this.  And when no one called I felt so much more alone, and sad. Feeling the sadness, one say when all is happy I will say: I wonder what the sadness is like, I forget.

Is this what gaslighting feels like? The quiet acceptance that not only am I not the main character in the play of my life, but also that I am a minor villain, the type of character who is played by a jobbing actor that no one recognises even though the actor has been in more than a dozen films they have seen. This is my role.

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June 23
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