Say nothing

And so, there was a long conversation in which I learned one thing, I learned that the thing that will end this long and convoluted conversation is as much of a catch 22 as Yossarians troubles with flying.  The end will only be able when I show I am not bothered, not annoyed.  But I will remain annoyed while I am not allowed to say anything.  At all.

So much of today I was on the edge of falling.  On the edge of emotional collapse.  An hour long walk in which much of my breathing was to keep my emotions stable.  It is what it is.  Nothing but what it is.  I would like more.  I get it seems to be that my asking for more means another gets less.  But I don't think that is the case.  I just want more understanding.

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