Hope
A desire for a particular thing to happen, I think hope is active, it is not a whimsical desire but a manifesting desire. Hope is what makes me try again, even when I am tired, even when it seems like this thing that I would like to happen in impossible, still then hope takes a slow calming breath and tries again. Tries the same thing again, usually. With the same disheartening results. Occasionally things go better. Occasionally the particular thing happens. I wonder.
Today I had the weight of disappointing someone I don't want to disappoint follow me.through the day. It coloured everything, annoyances and frustrations amplified, concentrated moments distracted. And all through the day I was building to the point where I could raise my concern that I might disappoint, in the future. I have now done it, oh the joys of instant media, all day to work up to the text.
November 23
Wrapping the blanket about me is a comfort but not as much as the heating, for it is...
