All about Crab

/krab/

a crustacean, found chiefly on seashores, with a broad carapace, stalked eyes, and five pairs of legs, the first pair of which are modified as pincers.

 

Crabs walk sideways: crabwise, crabbing over, crabbing across, etc. You will have seen this at the beach or on tv. The articulation of their legs makes this the best means of getting about, though some crabs can swim walking sideways is their main form of mobility.  

 

Crabs wave or drum their pincers as a form of communication, they tend to be aggressive towards each other; in particular the males fighting for the right to mate, or for a secure nook in a rocky coast where caves are limited. However, crabs are occasionally observed working together as families to find food.

 

The crab’s life if fraught with danger, from the moment the larvae floats away from the safety of the eggs stuck to the mother’s belly, to those road crossings memes, to the most dangerous of all: moulting when every part of the crab has to be detached from the old shell from the eyestalks and mouth parts, to the legs of course, and even the lining of the digestive tract.

 

The crab is firmly established in the stars and in the zodiac, but has found little fame in stories and legends.

 

Really, the crab is one of the most accessible of creatures, easily caught with a piece of bacon and some string. Or when passing someone crabbing it is easy to look at the crabs in their bucket, maybe comment on the colour or the size of this one or that. A quite forgettable experience, particularly amongst all the excitements of the seaside visit. And this is the true nature of the crab, sure, initially joyful to see, to experience, as many creatures are, but easy to forget once out of sight.

 

Forgettable, save for a habit of walking sideways. Perhaps not the first costume to choose for a fancy dress party, even with those exotic pincers and crabwise legs you would still be forgettable.  

 

 

The Service Entrance 

 

Who knew, who actually knew, there is a little sign to the left of the door confirming the House of Masks indeed has a service entrance, and standing at the service entrance door is a forlorn figure. Slightly chubby casually dressed in blue, carrying nothing more than a note in a pocket: no wallet, no phone. The note is the directions to the service entrance, a handwritten note containing only directions: no greetings, no invitation.

 

There is no indication as to how the chubster casually dressed in blue got here, or where the chubster came from.

 

The chubster has a friendly face, a sales assistant’s smile that notices you approaching. A smile that will answer any questions you ask. A smile that makes you think you have met the person before. In fact you will be so confident you have met before you might start your first sentence with: last time I was here you… 

 

The chubster is always a pleasure to meet. It is always a pleasure to meet someone who wakes in the morning looking forward to the micro conversations during the sales transaction. The micro conversations that so easily flow down into the anecdote form, ready to entertain colleagues in the pub at the end of the day or family and friends at the dinner table.  

 

The chubster tells no anecdotes. There is no one to tell when going home to an empty flat upstairs from the Bennetts: toasted cheese, soup and a small tub of ice-cream while watching true crime and other reality teevee alone.

 

The chubster tells the mirror every morning: this is the good life, it is fine, calm, chilled. There is no need to strive. This easy life is the best: a short bus ride to work, a simple dinner, ice cream for dessert. No need to say more than a few witty comments, a little distraction, a little diversion. No need to open up feelings and desires, best to leave those be. No worries or anxieties. It is best.

 

The chubster dressed in blue opens the door without hesitation. It is the way to enter a service entrance, there is no need for hesitation in service.  

 

 

 

 

 

Staff Changing Room

 

The chubster dressed in blue walks down the corridor to the staff changing room. Inside there is a row of lockers on one wall. On one of the locker doors is a laminated note. 

 

ALL WHO ENTER THE HOUSE OF MASKS MUST BE NAKED, MUST WEAR A MASK AND MAY NOT TALK. THIS APPLIES TO ALL WHO ENTER, BE THEY GUESTS, VISITORS, STAFF OR DELIVERERS. YOUR MASK IS IN THIS LOCKER.

 

POLITE REMINDER: YOU MAY NOT TALK ONCE YOU HAVE DONNED YOUR MASK, PLEASE MAKE ANY NECESSARY ARRANGEMENTS TO COMPLETE ALL TASKS WITHOUT TALKING.

 

The chubster dressed in blue does not hesitate. Undresses briskly placing the blue clothes neatly in the locker. Dons the CRAB mask and steps through the door to wait in the corridor.

 

 

 

A Corridor 

The naked chubster with the CRAB mask stands in the corridor. It is the pose of a person who is used to waiting, who is at ease with waiting. Actually, if you can read the signs, it is the pose of a person who, metaphorically, has built a hard shell like that of a crab, built during those vulnerable moments of youth. Vulnerable moments when the power of storytelling could distract from weakness.  

The naked chubster with the CRAB mask remembers the moments of grabbing a story from any memory as if it were a personal memory: remember the time a dog bit off my ear, oh, yeah, of course I still have an ear, the doctor sewed it back on. Surely the laughter is with me not at me. Still changing the stories to misdirect, redirect, using the laughter to build a shell. Limit, restrict, make the stories impersonal, use more puns, word play. Never join in the laughter.  

The naked chubster with the CRAB mask stands next to the chair in the corridor. On the other side of the chair is a small table and on the table is a book. The very book that all editions ever printed can be found in the House of Masks library. It is not a book borrowed from the library, there are multiple copies of the book in many rooms in the House of Masks. This book remains unread. Untouched and unread.  

The naked chubster with the CRAB mask looks at the book and thinks about the silence rule, picturing the moment of reading the rule, the sequence of events before and after. Strangely unable to sequence other memories, other thoughts. It is the way of the House of Masks, the visitor enters with all their personality built over their life before entering the House of Masks but somehow the detailed memory of life before arriving is missing. Knowing how stories and jokes are used as a protection, knowing the protection is against disappointing people with mundaneness, or being the person people hate: yet not remembering who was hating, or when they were hating. Just knowing that being a true self is ill advised. So how did this work with the silence rule? How is it possible to reconstruct the shell without knowing how it was first constructed? Would the shell of the CRAB mask become the protection?

The naked chubster with the CRAB mask’s thoughts drift, imagining someone standing in this very corridor. A lucky version of the chubster with the CRAB mask standing in this corridor when an announcement is made: PLEASE ALL BE UPSTANDING and a beautiful youngster enters the corridor through the far door and marches swiftly down until they arrive at the person standing. The lucky version of the chubster with the CRAB mask. The beautiful youngster suddenly stops. Turns. Smiles. And they recognise each other, they are lovers. And they hug and then kiss. The beautiful youngster is naked, their skin pressing against each other as they kiss. The tannoy interrupts: TAKE YOUR SEATS FOR THE CRAB AND ITS MOTHER SHALL COMMENCE SHORTLY.

The naked chubster with the CRAB mask sits on the chair. It is the only chair in the corridor.

 

 

On crabwise influences

the tale of the crab and its mother

So here is a story of pride and regret

Of CRAB and MOTHER and what was said

Oh you silly child, you walk to the side

Skippy left, shimmy right, step forward just a stride

Oh MOTHER now you wait, with your silly old gait

Your lessons deflate, I could never relate

And so awkward relations as families wedo see

Young CRAB remains as bent as can be.

 

Another Corridor

The naked chubster with the CRAB mask sits in another corridor, looking up at the ceiling. There is a blemish, a mark where the decorator casually ignored a mistake, an error, leaving the blemish for all to see. Perhaps thinking few would stand in the corridor with enough time to look about and notice the blemish.

The naked chubster with the CRAB mask feels like a blemish. Something forgotten where no one is expected. It is understood there is no blemish in being true to nature: a lifetime of pretence, of denying nature has been changed. The nettle was grasped, the moment was seized, the chance was taken by standing up and saying this is who I am. The nerves were overcome. Indeed, it was not done with ease, it was done at great cost but the price was paid: I am who I am. It was received with acceptance, this corner of society is not bigoted with senseless aggression against the other, whomsoever the other may be. And the moment was enjoyed. The full sense of relief flooding the emotions with joy. And the moment, it passed. And firstly the passersby who had stopped at the commotion continued on their path. Then the acquaintances returned to their work. And finally the family returned to their lives. And it felt like not a damn thing had changed.  

The naked chubster with the CRAB mask feels like a blemish.

The naked chubster with the CRAB mask in the corridor is not a blemish. For the crab it is not enough to simply be crabwise, it is necessary to strive out for more. To take new risks, to seek new thrills to be able to feel again like the moment of the great revelation. To feel that relief flooding the emotions with joy. But such moments do not repeat.

The naked chubster with the CRAB mask thinks of ways to cover that blemish, to fill that void. Dangerous, darker, deeper, dirtier desires hidden from society: desires to be adopted, to be embraced, to be announced, and once more to feel that moment of great revelation.

The naked chubster with the CRAB mask always makes up adventures to star in, little stories from the news, little events heard in passing, little events to make a lonely life seem interesting. Today's adventure is grim, as dark as the corridor, as forgotten as the blemish. The narrator in the tale is sitting in a chair in a corridor, waiting, waiting, and more waiting, gradually becoming aware of a ticking sound. Like a clock marking the time. But it is not a clock, it is a beautiful youngster walking steadily along the long corridor pulling a strange contraption. A sort of wagon, a table with straps on wheels. The youngster stops, holds out a hand. There is a step on the side of the table, padded rests for knees, padded rest for the head. The narrator steps onto the table, and is tied in place with a naked arse in the air, face facing the wall, arse for everyone to see. Then comes more tick tock tick tocking, many crisp shoes tapping out their approach. Then comes the sound of the unzipping, many zips unzipping, clasps unclasping and preparing for anal rape of the arse in the air. But the pain does not come, it is only a fantasy.

The tannoy announces: THE CRAB AND THE FOX WILL COMMENCE SHORTLY, PLEASE MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE COURTYARD.

The naked chubster with the CRAB mask sighs and walks to the external door at the end of the corridor. In the centre of the courtyard is the remains of a monument, or perhaps a covered well. A few figures with SEABIRD masks lurk in the shadows None with a FOX mask.

The naked chubster with the CRAB mask sits in the centre of the courtyard assuming the leading role in this play, keeping an eye out for the fox.

 

On discontented happiness

THE CRAB AND THE FOX 

(FEATURING THE SEA BIRDS)

 

Drab CRAB from under the slab.

CRAB had ambition, style and a penchant for a dramatic pause.

CRAB loved adulation, growing with the thrill of applause.

As the thrill got familiar, CRAB sought out the new,

And the new, and the new, CRAB sought out the new.

Until CRAB was destroyed by FOX, who knew.

Dramatic pause.