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067 :: Letter

Dearest Sister,

It is still day eight and I am writing an additional note.  It is not a note for sending.  It is not a draft.  It is a note for myself that I have addressed to you because it helps me to put feelings into words when I think about who I am writing the words for.  I am sure you know when I present this life as idyllic that I am hiding something.  There are times when I feel overwhelmed by this life.  It is the feeling that everyone else knows what they are doing and I am completely at a loss as to what is happening.  I am a child amongst these foreign adults.  And then the language becomes such a barrier.  If I want to say more than one word I have to take so much time working out the translation.  And if I just say one word I am not sure i have said the right word.  And there is only so much that pointing and smiling can do.  And I feel like an outsider who made a big mistake by choosing to come here.

This is pointless.  You will never read these words, even if I send them.  Instead I might just take these thoughts and put them in a MiniDoc for everyone to see.  The real thoughts of what it is like to be an au pair, not the usual bleaching tips or matching bags and shoes.  Who cares.  Real feelings as best I can. Perhaps I will express my frustration in a dance.  They always liked it when I danced.  I always liked it when I danced.

Love, 

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