June 23

There seems to be an inertia settling over my days, like a dust that for some reason is preventing movement not showing there has been no movement. This month I will still stick to the perenial targets of weightloss and being a better person, as well as trying to make a graphic story once a week. This month I will add the target of fighting the inertia, understanding the inertia and making it be gone.

A fitting way to start a new month is to take the next step, one foot in front of the other. Etc. It matters not what regrets I am trying to put behind me, it doesn't matter the size of my son. All I can do is take another step. Take a step in clarity of thought.

This is the beginning point, this is the start. The summer lies before me and I should work out a plan to use the warm days, the outdoors needs to be used, which I can be active I should be active. Should it be a walk or a bike ride along the coast? I don't know, it should be something active, something more than a daytrip. Sunbathing, sunshine, or strolling.

Fat fat fat fat fat fat, perhaps if I fatshamed myself enough I would get it into this thick skull that I should lose weight, not for good looks reason, and I have always been able to lose weight when I'm flirting, but for health reasons. I am getting on and lugging about the extra stones is pointless and stupid.

Little reminders to the folks sitting on the left and right of you are great to keep them remembering that you do indeed love this. Unless you are reading this note on the underground where it is just a little strange to declare undying love to a stranger, even in cosmopolitan London.

So, most of the day went ok under the new regime. I ate carrots and fruit for half a day but slipped down past a cheese sandwich to a big bag of nuts and eventually to those super sweet midnight snacks. Keep it together tomorrow, don't fall into despair until 3.

Decision, decide, think, thought, distracted, distract, rethink, smile, laugh, snort, wheeze, wait, silent, silence, static, breath, choose, now, oh, well, done, no, not yet, pick, tick, brick, sick, stuffed, then stop, leave, last, out, end, finish.

Strategy or plan? The young person has done souch work, but souch of the time I am not sure how much work then she mentions she did plans for the potential questions on the test and I wonder if I did. I think probably not.

The warm days have tickled my mouth into a bit of a smile, and a prickle to my skin, but perhaps I should not have drunk that beer in the sunshine, or the other one, but the feast was delicious in the warm days.

You said shall we do this exciting thing, we always used to do these exciting things but of late I have become a bit jaded with the particular things we used to do. A bit bored, a bit restless, a bit distracted, so I haven't put in the work to find the best of the things, and I didn't want to repeat things just for the sake of not doing nothing. It worked out today as we had a little drink and a long chat, but I must find new things because next time it might not work out as easily.

You wouldn't have thought it possible but here it is, a moment of character development in such a tiny paragraph. It came with the realisation, as I was taking my post-prandial, that I am the villain of the piece, and it does not matter what my intentions were, as it has gone too far for me to fix it. I am the villain because people believe I am the villain.

He came again today, to tell me how reading the right book can change your life. Can make you better so you have to read the right books. He didn't tell me what the right book were, instead he told me how he gets so angry that people don't talk anymore. How they just shout and argue and never listen.

I wonder what is his name.

Say and go, and leave the bad thoughts behind. And it is true that it may happen again. Indeed the very next time you may have the same unpleasantness. And the next time, if it happens again, you state your case: it is not ok for you to speak to me like that, to treat me like that. And go, leave the bad thoughts behind.

Walking, walking in the sun, with the blue sky above, with the warm heat of the argument pushing my legs faster, heating my legs with the movement, with the sun. And as the adrenaline of the argument dissipates into discomfort and then I come back, burnt.

And this was the point at which he turned to me, a small amount of ice-cream clining to holis lower lip and forming a tiny dribble at the edge of he mouth, and he said to me: if I had a strategy for getting rubish out of sewage with a magnet what kind of person would I be.

Is this what gaslighting feels like? The quiet acceptance that not only am I not the main character in the play of my life, but also that I am a minor villain, the type of character who is played by a jobbing actor that no one recognises even though the actor has been in more than a dozen films they have seen. This is my role.

All through the day coming and going were waves of sadness. Each time I did something that was me and alone and no one called out to me: don't do that join me for this. And when no one called I felt so much more alone, and sad. Feeling the sadness, one say when all is happy I will say: I wonder what the sadness is like, I forget.

My, isn't technology wonderful? I wonder how I would feel if my day were made into a TV show, I think when Joan was awful, the point was that everyone watched it as there was only Jane, but when Jules is awful there were so many awfuls there was no fame, or infamy.

In this age of greater awareness and greater understanding do our expectations reach beyond the real, into the ideal. Are we doomed to an abjectly miserable life of disappointment, following disappointment until we sabotage any flicker of self worth or remnant of happiness.

So, it started with a complicated dilemma: if someone were to tell you a story in which they may have done something bad, should you do something about it? And what are the circumstances in which you do nothing about it? And what does doing something about it mean anyway?

The amount of space occupied is a function of ta property of the material. That small lump of coal takes a small space but she sure leaves her dirty mark, and that Burning coal takes up so much more space but is nice when you are the right distance away, so it is that I was the coal today, taking little space and waiting for the fire lighter to being me a another day.

Strenuous physical exercise in hot conditions is not actually as strenuous as it would be in cool conditions, I found. Sleeping in hot conditions is another thing that is not as restful as it would be in cool conditions. Not rocket science.

I wonder what the rules are for confident and easy conversation are, do they include being interested in the other person and what the other person has to say, are they about having fun and witty anecdotes to fill those spaces? What are those spaces, what is all that sodding silence about?

Empty, today clanged along like a ox wagon in a spaghetti western in which whistling violins accompany an hour of slow movement over endless wastelands until when the most dogged member of the audience finally left the cinema, at that point a shot pings, a bullet shrieks and the driver dies.

Welcome to my collection of artworks, sketches, stories and other ideas. I draw something every day and post the picture to my socials as well as to this website. The list below shows the projects I am currently working on as well as links to the lists of projects I have stopped working on or have completed.

All images on this website are original art works and may not be used for commercial purposes without expressed permission by myself, the artist.

Fake it till you make it. But there comes a point at which you have moved passed the point of making it, the skill set and understanding needed to make it are just not in your gift, and then the plan is to fake it until you are run out of town, run out of the rodeo. Faker!

Is a birthday a good time to reflect and take stock? And if I were to take stock at this point is it a brilliant life that I have been living? I am not sure that I would declare my attitude to be that of the brilliant, there is a well of sadness hiding behind my eyes waiting to burst forth into today. My today

Wobbling, perhaps even stumbling into this new year, without much of a plan other than an idea of trudging along hoping the bad is bottoming out and the good still has a fair way to climb. It is a balance, not so? It is always a balancing trick.

Summer sunshine
This is the beginning point, this is the start. The summer lies before me and I...

Fat stupid
Fat fat fat fat fat fat, perhaps if I fatshamed myself enough I would get it into this...

Reminders
Little reminders to the folks sitting on the left and right of you are great to keep them...

Just about starting
So, most of the day went ok under the new regime. I ate carrots and fruit for half...

These words
Decision, decide, think, thought, distracted, distract, rethink, smile, laugh, snort,...

Best plan
Strategy or plan? The young person has done souch work, but souch of the time I am...

Warm Days
The warm days have tickled my mouth into a bit of a smile, and a prickle to my skin, but...

New things
You said shall we do this exciting thing, we always used to do these exciting things but...

Because you believe
You wouldn't have thought it possible but here it is, a moment of character...

So angry
He came again today, to tell me how reading the right book can change your life. ...

Say and go
Say and go, and leave the bad thoughts behind. And it is true that it may happen...

Heated
Walking, walking in the sun, with the blue sky above, with the warm heat of the argument...