The roof mocks teen wolf
The kid on the roof throwing insults at a wolf on the ground, what a simple fable. I love the line: it is not you that mock me but the roof on which you stand. I have a story that explores this idea of the mocking roof a little more. The idea that it is not the person that mocks but their advantage, temporary or permanent that does the mocking.
Before I start this story, while it will be taken as a criticism, I hope it will be a constructive form of criticism that is received with the understanding that it is told with love.
Right, let me start the story with lovely Nan. She was lovely, was she not? As with many nans, Nan had the advantage of time to do kind things, and kindnesses she did do. Deserts every day when arriving home from school: drop scones, lemon meringue pies, sticky toffee puddings, ginger puddings. Yes, the ginger pudding was the best especially with custard on a cold day, so I heard. But let's keep a balance here, Nan was opinionated. She believed things should be done in a certain way and she was never shy in saying how things should be done. Never angry, never undermining, hers was a self assurance that allowed her to state things as she expected them to be. This is why it is such a hard thing to allow an elderly parent back into your home when they are too old to live alone.
Well, on with the tale, when young it is easy to simply follow instructions. Living is such a complex struggle for a baby the only approach is to accept help as it is given: feeding, burping, changing, et cetera. And as the baby grows into a child, following instructions is embedded in their behaviour. And as the child becomes a teenager, they start to examine their elder’s philosophy and they will find them wanting. And they rebel. Things certainly had moved on since Nan’s youth and a lot of what Nan said did deserve to be challenged.
Well, the young hero of this tale is sat right at this table, and , once again, these many years later I hope they will be able to reflect positively on this story because I am casting their teenage self in the role of the wolf. Yes, frustrated teenagers are often well described as wolves. Growling. Skulking. Running off in packs. Scary, angry packs.
Now, the next scene in the tale starts with Nan walking into the room and saying: um. Well I do not actually know what it was that Nan said, what I know is it was something that riled up the teen wolf. And the teen wolf responded with a polite explanation as to why what Nan had said was a bad suggestion, indeed why it was plain wrong. And Nan simply laughed and left the room. Well, the insecure teen wolf heard the laugh as a dismissal of their careful argument, perhaps even as a ridicule of their intellect. The teen wolf got angrier, more frustrated, and felt more out of control, but alone in an empty room with no way of venting that anger.
The teen wolf was probably over reacting. More likely the daft old woman had not heard the reply as hearing is one of the things nans generally struggle with, and it is a fact that Nan had a hearing aid. But maybe the teen wolf was right, Nan might have been laughing at their audacity at daring to argue with their elders.
It would happen on a near daily basis: Nan would say something, the teen wolf would argue, Nan would laugh and leave the room. And teen wolf would fume.
And just to make it explicit, Nan’s dismissive laugh is playing the role of the roof in this metaphor.
One day, teen wolf turned the tables. Nan came in the room and said something and teen wolf out of frustration at the pointlessness of it all, laughed and left the room, left Nan standing unanswered. When reflecting on that moment, teen wolf realised a new weapon for winning arguments. The weapon was used liberally in arguments with anyone. Well, teen wolf soon realised it only worked with people who cared about the teen wolf.
Well, weaponising the laugh has a cruelty that can only be maintained by not caring. The coldness that grew in the teen wolf’s heart would move the teen wolf towards being a lone wolf. I am not saying this is the reason why now in their middle years, this wolf is estranged from their partner and their child, but relationships disintegrate when communication fails, and communication fails when there is a frozen core that perpetually puts up the barrier of the laugh when faced with a difficult emotion.
I hope this tale will be accepted in the reflection of time, for we welcome wolves here, we do not mock wolves from up high. As the moral of this tale goes: only say something if you are willing to say it anytime; this tale is something I would say at any time, so it should be something I say all the time. And so it is that I have told this tale today.
Much outcry, little outcome
My little friend
Understand your advantage
The Old Fools